Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
