Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
