Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize