I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
