You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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