dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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