He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize