Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
