Christians are straight up FREAKS
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
are you so shy because you have an std?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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