I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
