Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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