It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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