I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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