My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
