No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
