His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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