remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
