Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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