I'm lost and stupid without you.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
