When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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