My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I supernannyed him into submission
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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