I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
