you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
