he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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