i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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