And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
