If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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