FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
