We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
