She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My ass is underappreciated
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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