also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
