I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize