why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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