Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
