I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
