I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
