last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize