I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
