I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
