I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
