How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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