Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
