Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
