He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
