you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
