I just made out with a guy for $7.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize