I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
