Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
