He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
