We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
