I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
