I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
