Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
