did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
