I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
