You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
