Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
