Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
