wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
