Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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