watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My penis needs a shock collar
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
