dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
