you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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