I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
